So we meet again, my 2nd December.
The perks of having a birthday at the end of the year is to remember what happened on the whole year, as in my case, to remember what happened this year until I reach the age of 18.
There were a lot of big things happened, this year has been so rough actually.
I had my sister’s wedding that taught me how no matter messed up you can be there is always someone who is willing to love you. I learned about how difficult it is to settle down, tied the knot, and build the commitment.
Unfortunately, on the same day, I also felt how was it like to lost somebody. Right after the wedding was off, I found out that my crush was gone. I still can feel how confused and lost I was back then. From that moment I learned how does it feel to lost someone, that life is just a simple blink of an eye, I learned how to let go. I learned that something which you see everyday, someday somehow will just disappear. Funny isn’t it.
This year was also the last year of my high school, where I ought to did so many tests for the sake of getting into a proper university. I didn’t get my first and second choice, but I got the third. At first I felt like a piece of shit, I didn’t mind if the world crush me down. Everyone was looking down at me. I remembered asking myself what the hell did I let myself go into. But as time went on, I was wrong. I loved where I was that time. I love my third choice university, I love my friends right there. They taught me different perspective in life, they opened my eyes of how starving the society around me for that thing called prestige, class, fame, acceptance, and whatsoever. They taught me that across the life I’ve been living in there is a total different life going on too. I was so ashamed of myself, luckily they made me realized before I toxicated too much by this ring of hell-yeah-socialite-society.
But life stretched again, and I got into another college. This reputable college, people said. So I had to left my friends, it was so sad. My new college, friends, and class didn’t seem so friendly at first. I had to study so hard in here. But I made a promise to myself, when I was filling out the entrance test, that if I somehow could get in, it is God’s choice for me and I can’t be mad nor grumbled about it. I’m trying my best here, I hope I will be just fine. Just fine is enough. And now I guess everything is going okay.
I also, or finally, got into a relationship. I felt funny writing this, knowing that he will read this. But darling, I don’t know if we started this in a bad way before, or maybe it was me being so cruel, but I love you. Thank you for always loving me right from the start. I am sorry I ever did you wrong, please know that I’m trying here to catch up your overload-unconditional love. Me love you so much, minha sol. You made me so happy every day, why should I ever bother what people said.
And for today, I got the most crowded birth day ever. Six cakes for a record. Feel truly blessed and loved, and grateful for them. For all of my friends and dear ones. I got the best birthday message ever for my entire life:
Dear my sweetest Carolyn in the universe. It is my first shot to type it down, that I am so thankful to have you in this limited-timed world and universe, for being a friend, and being my guidance book, every time I got lost in my life, I could find you and God. Don’t hate me for being a little bit religious. I believe that you are one of that angel in disguise that God sent to keep me in the right track of life. Thank you, thank you. I love you. We have one hundred percent certainity that we are going to die, and I want you to always having that belief, that whenever you are getting sad, or feeling useless, you are already someone’s blessings, you are such a blessing to me. And before I die, I want you to know how much you mean to me.
I couldn’t help my tears. I always believe that birth day is a day where a friend should remind the birth-day-someone how special she or he is. Isn’t it beautiful to tell the truth, to know how much we mean to somebody, even for one day in a year.
I gave a huge thank you for everyone around me, and of course for the Owner of the Universe, for giving this such beautiful yet a mess life.
I cannot wait to seek more.